Who We Are

Sometimes with art, you experience something that really moves you and you really wish that you would have created it. This is often the case if I listen to a song that moves me or if I see photography that really speaks to me. And so it is with blogging… This was the case today when I read this Facebook entry from an actor friend of mine:

I am not my body. I am not the things I feel or see or taste or hear or smell. I am only what I think. My thoughts are the totality of me. At my essence, I am electrical sparks jumping from synapse to synapse in a dance of joy and despair. All that makes me ME is nothing more than energy focused, energy shared and recycled throughout the world, connecting everything that has ever lived. If we released all of this energy simultaneously, the earth would shine brighter than the sun for a moment, and the universe would finally know we were here.
– Patrick Turner

Eulogy

Let me live among passionate people! It doesn’t matter if its a passion to make it as an actor, get a promotion or land a dream job. Maybe its a passion to become a renowned photographer, grow the largest tomatoes or to be the best at Parcheesi. It doesn’t matter what it is, the drive is the exact same.

Let me be around people who enjoy life. People who savor each and every moment. People who reach to obtain the seemingly unattainable. People who are perpetually on fire with excitement.

Let me be near strong, resilient people so that when I fall they will be there to remind me that I have to pick myself up and get back on track. Let me know people brave enough to walk through the fear and the pain in their lives. People who persevere long after the rest of us would pack it in. People who have the physical and emotional scars of life but recognize that in these experiences they have discovered their strength.

Let me know emotional people who truly “feel” life. Let me know men who can cry. People who can connect and empathize. Let them be close at hand for the times when I find myself disconnecting from life around me. For the times when I feel disconnected from myself.

When I check out, I want to know that I did a little bit of everything and that I did it as well as I was able. That I put pieces of me into everything I did and that I did it with pride and passion and love. That I butted up against every wall in front of me and tried my best to break through. That the times I met wih failure, I learned from it and did not give up. That time and time again, I surpassed my own expectations which I had set for myself. That in obtaining what I had sought, I appreciated it fully but was only momentarily complacent – wanting to strive further. That my life was interesting to me. That I lived the life I wanted to live and not the one that others expected I should live. That I had a little bit of passion in every aspect of it. That I did some good while I was here while minimizing harm to others. That when I did harm, people found it in themselves to forgive me. That those who truly knew me, didn’t judge me but saw me for the person I was. That I was able to see others in this same way. That I saw things not in black and white but in shades of grey.

Life is hard and its short. I just want to be able to say when my spirit separates from my body that I took the life that was given to me and I used it to its fullest. That for all of the times that I pissed my time away, there were more instances where I used it for something worthwhile. That after some years of stagnation, I finally stood up and inherited my destiny. That I actually LIVED.

Then I will rest peacefully.

Tasting the Agony of Defeat

So the local blog awards were held last night and johnnysized.com succumbed to the very stiff competition. With just three months of this page being in existence, I think it went as well as could be expected. The fact that it was nominated in three categories made me proud. But victory is so sweet and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to win. It does motivate me to work harder for next time. Things that we truly want should not come easy so that when we obtain them, we really savor it and appreciate it. I was very glad to see some of my friends win. Both those that did and didn’t are passionate about their craft and are inspirations to me. I made a few new friends as well and I look forward to reading their work.

So I came back home a beaten man. What to do? Bag of potato chips? Pint of ice cream? No!

Curls!

In a suit and tie no less – because one should be professional at all times. I curled until I could curl no more.
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As some of you may know, I dabble in the arts. Being of Italian descent, I thought it would be fun to audition for a local series about “the mob” (more info coming in the next several weeks when I’m allowed to discuss it). Ironically I was offered a part as a Russian Mob enforcer. The problem here is two-fold. I need to figure out a Russian accent pretty quickly. That is doable. The other issue is that the headshot I used to get the part is a bit dated. I weighed at least 60 pounds more at the time. But now, I’m the incredible shrinking man. So hitting the weights hard and regularly is imperative. I need to be lean, mean and hulking!

Da svidaniya comrades!
For now,
Johnny