Always Forward, Rarely Straight

25 09 2012

So I was living the dream, 70 pounds down, plant based diet, feeling healthier and full if energy – then vacation time came. After making the proclamation here that I would not allow vacation to derail me as it has done to so many others – it did. Day one of vacation started with pancakes, bacon and sausage and I never looked back. And a week spiraled into two months of eating a lot more of what I hadn’t been. The last time I looked at a scale I had gained back 12 pounds.

How does it happen? How do human beings that are so focused on a goal slip up like that and completely fall apart? For me, I was frustrated. I was tired of feeling like I was depriving myself and barely seeing the needle on the scale move. It was frustrating to go to my acupuncture appointments and pay hundreds of dollars and see that I lost .4 pounds that week when I knew how hard I was working to lose more. Some weeks, I was even slightly up. So despite the tremendous physical benefits I was feeling from acupuncture, I stopped going all together.

And same was the fate of this blog…checking in weekly to give the weight loss report – I’m just not wired that way. The self imposed “foot on the neck” approach does not yield lasting results for me. I need to have a more gentler setup.

In the past several weeks, I’ve felt a whole lot less full of vigor. I started to feel like how I felt a year ago right before I got sick. I’ve recently been eating an 80% raw diet of uncooked fruits,veggies and nuts in an effort to get back on track. I’ll be frank, I have no idea of what the future game plan is here. I’m just trying to figure out what works for me. Mostly plant based / mostly raw feels good but I’m just not sure if I have the strength or will to limit all food intake to that – at least for the moment.

I’m thankful to the many people who wrote me to see if all was okay or to ask what happened to the blog. It would have been interesting to blog during this two months “in the wilderness” but I just didn’t have it in me. I needed to hit the reset button and clear my mind. I feel like I’m in a better space now.

So for those still checking in, thanks so much. Here we go again…always forward, rarely straight….

Pushing Forward

5 03 2012

And so begins week 11 of my journey to lose 200+ pounds. I say + because I’m not sure where exactly I’ll end up. I’m not sure what my ideal weight is anymore but I’ll know when I get there. I figure it’s about 220 but could be a bit higher or as low as 175. Anyway, that is a long ways off.

This past week, I lost two pounds bringing my total to 49+ pounds ( I say + because I’m not sure exactly how much I weighed initially). I was happy to increase the weight loss this week. I’m two ounces away from the 50 pounds lost mark. Two ounces?? I should be able to spit that out! But that’s alright. Let it come slowly. Let it be a battle. Let it be a constant challenge. This is not a diet to me. It’s a change of lifestyle. I’m in it for the long haul.

There will be times I get discouraged, times I feel defeated, times I want to give up. But right now, in this second, I feel strong. I feel the best I have in a long, long time. 2 ounces to my next goal weight…I push forward.

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