Gaining Instead of Losing

And so begins week 20 of my switch to a plant based diet and an increased exercise regiment.   This week I gained a pound.  Ugggh!!!

Since the very beginning, I have dreaded writing this post and after 19 weeks it has finally happened.  The weight loss has just completely bottomed out.  Over 60 pounds down and now it is becoming really difficult.  I’ve essentially lost no weight in the last 3 weeks.  And because I publicly am broadcasting what I’m doing, it does really upset me so see the needle not moving or in this case going up.

Last week I gave up wheat (mostly) and that made me very hungry.  A lot more hungry than I had been feeling previously which probably highlights just how much wheat I had been eating up until this point.  Soy is no longer an option for me as I seem to have developed an allergy to it.  It seems like the list of things I cannot or should not eat has grown larger than the list of things I can/should eat.  As someone who has always loved food, it is becoming depressing.

I see a lot of room for improvement.  I still use food as something to calm me.  I will eat something high in protein / plant based fat late at night before going to bed.  It is not uncommon for me to eat nuts or seeds at midnight.  It’s just not  smart.  I need to find another way to better relax.  I need to put myself to bed earlier too.  I’ve been so busy with the many things I’m involved in that it is not uncommon for me to go to bed at 1 or 2 AM lately.  I’m not doing my body any favors by getting such little sleep.  My schedule continues to be too busy for me.  I’m way over extended and have no one to blame but myself.  So many good things to do and so little time but I absolutely must put that same energy into getting healthy.  That has got to be my focus.  If good health is in place all of the other things I love to do will be more successful and more easily accomplished.

65 pounds down…that is where I failed the last time I tried to lose weight.  I put it all back on and then some.  I’ve worked too hard to lose this weight.  I will not do that again.

So as of today I’m hitting the reset button:

No more cheat meals until I hit the 300 pound mark (and I have a ways to go – 39 pounds)

Exercise 5x a week – no ifs, ands or buts

No wheat….period

at least 7 hours of sleep a day

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I will get back on track starting right now.  I will inherit the life I was born to live.

Eulogy

Let me live among passionate people! It doesn’t matter if its a passion to make it as an actor, get a promotion or land a dream job. Maybe its a passion to become a renowned photographer, grow the largest tomatoes or to be the best at Parcheesi. It doesn’t matter what it is, the drive is the exact same.

Let me be around people who enjoy life. People who savor each and every moment. People who reach to obtain the seemingly unattainable. People who are perpetually on fire with excitement.

Let me be near strong, resilient people so that when I fall they will be there to remind me that I have to pick myself up and get back on track. Let me know people brave enough to walk through the fear and the pain in their lives. People who persevere long after the rest of us would pack it in. People who have the physical and emotional scars of life but recognize that in these experiences they have discovered their strength.

Let me know emotional people who truly “feel” life. Let me know men who can cry. People who can connect and empathize. Let them be close at hand for the times when I find myself disconnecting from life around me. For the times when I feel disconnected from myself.

When I check out, I want to know that I did a little bit of everything and that I did it as well as I was able. That I put pieces of me into everything I did and that I did it with pride and passion and love. That I butted up against every wall in front of me and tried my best to break through. That the times I met wih failure, I learned from it and did not give up. That time and time again, I surpassed my own expectations which I had set for myself. That in obtaining what I had sought, I appreciated it fully but was only momentarily complacent – wanting to strive further. That my life was interesting to me. That I lived the life I wanted to live and not the one that others expected I should live. That I had a little bit of passion in every aspect of it. That I did some good while I was here while minimizing harm to others. That when I did harm, people found it in themselves to forgive me. That those who truly knew me, didn’t judge me but saw me for the person I was. That I was able to see others in this same way. That I saw things not in black and white but in shades of grey.

Life is hard and its short. I just want to be able to say when my spirit separates from my body that I took the life that was given to me and I used it to its fullest. That for all of the times that I pissed my time away, there were more instances where I used it for something worthwhile. That after some years of stagnation, I finally stood up and inherited my destiny. That I actually LIVED.

Then I will rest peacefully.

A Strange World

It’s a strange world when the Center for Disease Control authors a study that recommends mothers to consider delaying the breast feeding of their children during times of immunizations as a way to increase their potency. It’s a strange world when we are bombarded with commercials and advertisements of people who are so tired that they need a shot of “five hour energy” or any number of different energy drinks to make it through the day, yet when the sun sets they then need Lunesta to get some rest. It’s a strange world when the diabetes drug you take to control your glucose levels ends up making you vomit, causes internal bleeding and/or causes cancer. For all of humankind’s technological advances, are we really any better off when it comes to our health?

I think the power of the body to heal itself is vastly over looked. Our body is the most complex machine on Earth. We see with it. We hear with it. We use it to get from place to place. We make endless numbers of calculations with it every day. And it does all of this solely on food, water, oxygen and rest. But with the body you only get out of it, what you put into it.

For a long time, I abused my body. I made poor eating choices and paid for them instantly. How do you feel after eating a double quarter pounder with cheese and bacon? I would feel like wanting to go to sleep. My energy level would drop so incredibly fast. I’d often resort to having an energy drink but would rarely feel the bump from it. For a long time, I didn’t allow myself to get enough sleep. And still today this is something that I struggle with. I led a mostly sedentary lifestyle, sitting at a desk or driving in a car for most of the work week. I hated to have to walk anywhere. And honestly, lugging around a massive 400+ pound frame is no easy task. It’s completely exhausting. At night I’d want to just come home and crumple onto the floor. It was difficult to even play with my kids, which makes me feel ashamed. People at work would get the best parts of me and by the time I got home I was just a shell of a person.

In just four weeks of switching to a plant based diet a lot of these things have already begun changing. I’m eating a whole lot better. I haven’t had candy, soda or fast food in a long time. A lot of these things I started phasing out as my sickness progressed. I have replaced them with veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds and beans. I do eat prepackaged vegan meals as well but I try to limit them and eat as close to the source as I can. As I have stated before the difference in my energy is amazing. I haven’t had to lay on the floor one night since changing my diet. No mid-day crashes, no stops at WAWA for an energy drink. Sure there are times when I get tired but I’m never exhausted like I used to be. I try to be active more during the day now. In the last two days, I’ve walked 4.5 miles. For me, that is amazing. I’m a guy that hates to walk to the mailbox. But as I lose weight and gain energy, I’m realizing that it is actually nice to walk. It feels freeing. For a long time, I’ve been a slave to my bad habits. I think of what a complete fool I have been to my body. In many ways I’m thankful for the wake up call. By the second or third week of February, I’ll be completely off antibiotics. I’m worried that the staph infection will come back. I think I see signs of it coming back every once in awhile. Perhaps I’m paranoid. Only time will tell. I know that one of the ways to fight it off is to get healthy. And I can not get healthy soon enough.