Always Forward, Never Straight

So yesterday, I had a little blog meltdown. I got a bunch of feedback about chilling out and not worrying so much. I guess to better explain it, I’m not so worried about the weight gain as much as I am about going off course. Some people will look at it and say, “just don’t eat garbage, it’s all in your control”. And at the end of the day, this is true. But when you have issues with food, it becomes more complicated than that. As with any addictive type behavior, when you fall off track a little, it can very quickly become a lot. Having lost significant weight in the past only to gain it all back very quickly – I know that this needs to be an everyday battle.

A friend said to me yesterday (about a different matter) – “Always Forward, Never Straight”. That sums it up pretty nicely I think. I hope the failures of my past will lead me to become smarter and more steadfast. For now, I feel like I’m getting back on track.

Coming Undone

And so begins week 23 of my switch to a plant based diet with increased exercise. Except that this past week I ate less veggies, exercised not nearly enough and ended gaining four pounds back. Bringing my total lost from 67 to 63 pounds. These last 10 pounds have been such a killer. Just a back and forth… And despite the hard work to get to this point, I really have bungled it up these last 8 days. Prime rib, sushi, shrimp, Taco Bell, Memorial Day burgers, birthday ice cream and cake, chips… I’m disgusted with myself. After trying to hit the reset button and really tighten up my strategy a few days ago – I just totally derailed. I could give a bunch of excuses but what’s the point. The result is still the same. Back to the drawing board………..

Look Ma, I’m on TV!

My friend Jaime has a fantastic new television show that teaches folks how to make amazing plant based meals. As you will see though, this show offers a whole lot more than just a few recipes. I make my appearance in the last segment to talk about how I came to adopt a plant based diet. I also get to try this amazing food. And that’s not hype, these dishes were fantastic! As you watch this you will see that it’s obvious that I’m not all that comfortable yet with sharing my story on camera but this was a very fun experience and a fantastic opportunity to let folks in my local area know about my blog.

I’m very much indebted to Jaime. People like her hold part of the map that I need to get to where I’m supposed to be going. The first night I met her I was really talking for the first time about my health, my new plant-based lifestyle change and my wanting to lose a lot of weight. I was terrified to talk about this in front of strangers (we were at a local bloggers meet and greet – yes, bloggers really do get out from behind the computer once in awhile. And when we do, we gather together and talk about blogging!). Jaime gave me a big genuine hug afterwards that completely disarmed me and made me feel much better about the situation. This is truly part of Jaime’s mission statement. She works to make the world a better place by putting part of her soul into so many of the things that she does. That night was the very first time that I truly realized that beyond my fear lies amazing and wonderful things.

please check out Jaime’s blog: http://savethekales.wordpress.com/

Re-Birth Day!

Wow, what a couple of weeks it has been.  Work has been insanely crazy.  And some photography gigs and other artistic pursuits have kept me extra busy during my typical downtime.  Trying to eat healthier while running myself ragged is also quite a challenge.  Admittedly I’m struggling some days.  But that is the beauty of each new day, waking up and getting a chance to start over from scratch and make your life what you want it to be.  Each day is a chance to recommit and become my best self.  Last night I had the best sleep that I have had in weeks.  That alone makes such a difference.

This week I celebrated my 37th birthday.  As I get older, birthdays become a strange thing.  As a child I would look so forward to birthdays and presents and parties with friends.  Nowadays though, I’m content to push the day off and try to find a way to go in reverse.  It’s not getting older that scares me as much as it is having less time.  In some ways I feel like this lifestyle change is a way to counteract thatt.  To make some changes in order to lose wight while gaining energy and better well being.  In so many ways, eating plant based has been like finding the fountain of youth.

When I was in high school I wanted to get into law enforcement.  I always had this nagging feeling that I wouldn’t live past my 2o’s.  I thought for sure I would be shot and killed while in that line of duty.  It’s weird but true.  In college I was actually shot at (being somewhere at the wrong place and time) and got away physically unharmed.  That is a story for another time.  That experience though made me feel temporarily bullet proof and the fear of being shot has never really returned.  But over the years since then, I put on well over 125 pounds.  I started to think that my poor lifestyle would be the thing to do me in.  I thought for sure  I’d be checking out early just because I had let myself go so badly.  There comes a point where a person can feel like staying on the path they are on is just easier than making the difficult changes.

I’m happy that as I begin my 27th year on this planet, I’m making changes that should help improve my quality of life and hopefully keep me in the game longer.  I feel tremendous gratitude for my family and friends.  My life is blessed.  I am striving to be the best that I can be.  I feel thankful for a job that makes me crazy but really does do a small part to make the lives if children a little bit better.  I am extremely grateful for my outside pursuits in the arts, the chances it gives me to express myself and meet fascinating, wonderful people along the way who have amazing stories.  Life is good.  I’m going to try to make it even better in the next year.

Thanks for reading!

keep in touch: johnnysized@gmail.com

The Day I’ve Waited All Year For

I have looked forward to this day for nearly a year now. One of the happiest days of the year – free Slurpee day! One glorious day a year 7-Eleven gives back to their customers by offering a free 7.11oz Slurpee. The size is surely measly but for those of us who plan it out properly, there is a wondrous fruity bounty to collect.

And so it was with great joy that I began preparing for this day 10 months ago. I would hit every 7-11 in a nearly 75 mile range, consuming liters of the sugary goodness for FREE!!

Except I won’t be. At roughly 20 grams of sugar per small serving, it’s free sugar diabetes with a straw. Getting really sick back in September fully opened my eyes to to how unwise it is to go on these sugar consuming excursions. As it turns out staph infection loves sugar. It practically breeds in the stuff. So it was goodby to sugar and other artificial sweeteners. I’ll stick with foods naturally containing sugar and forgo the rest.

Instead of having my free Slurpees,I started my day with freshly made pineapple, apple, banana, kiwi, blueberry, kale juice. Not as easy as grabbing a Slurpee from the local “Sev” but super energizing and very tasty. Long after the sugar crash from a Slurpee would have taken it’s toll, I’m still plugging away.

It’s a new world and frankly, I don’t miss the old one.

Slowly Chipping Away at the Weight

And so begins week 22 of my switch to a plant based diet and increased exercise regiment. This week I lost two additional pounds which brings me to 67 pounds lost so far.

Really, it should have been 4 pounds but I went majorly of course this weekend. I had beef (not the end of the world for me but a definite rarity nowadays), a lot of wonderful Italian bread and wheat pasta 3 days in a row. It left me definitely feeling less healthy and has served as a reminder that I really need to stay on course. So the rest of this week, I’ll be sticking closely to the plan – plantbased!

Made some delicious stuffed peppers tonight. I’ll be packing one or two for lunch tomorrow. I continue to suffer from a sore back which is making getting any exercise done rough right now. It’s been two weeks of on and off back pain that mysteriously travels around various parts of my upper back. I’m tired of it.

It’s been a very busy few days. It feels good to be back blogging again. Welcome to all of my new readers. There were nearly 400 of you yesterday. That’s pretty great for a Sunday and for a blog that isn’t even 6 months old yet.

The Amazing Power of Water

Just a reminder to drink your water! It’s an easy free way to take care of your body.

*Muscle consists of 75% water
*Brain consists of 90% of water
*Bone consists of 22% of water
*Blood consists of 83% water

Water can reduce the Risk of Cancer: Related to the digestive system, some studies show that drinking a healthy amount of water may reduce the risks of bladder cancer and colon cancer. Water dilutes the concentration of cancer-causing agents in the urine and shortens the time in which they are in contact with bladder lining.

Mike Watt on Life, Death and Art

Mike Watt – The man in the van with a bass in his hand.  For quite awhile now, Watt has been a lighthouse in the midst of my creative ocean – not steering me to the safety of the shore, but steering me away from it to untapped regions of the unknown where beautiful things can be born if you are brave enough to plant and water the seeds.  I’ve spoken about him in other posts so I won’t beat the same old stories to death here.  Suffice to say, he’s one very creative individual who has a beautiful mind and I’ve considered myself extremely fortunate to be able to interact with him now and again.  The world would benefit from more Mike Watts…I’ll leave it at that and move on to this recent interview with him:

Pic I took from the most recent missingmen 3rd opera tour in Philly

JS: Back in September I came down with a serious infection that took me about 5 months to fight off.  It changed my outlook on a lot of things and really spurred  me to make some long overdue lifestyle changes.  You had your own experience with a seriousness illness back in 2000.  Can you talk a little about that and how that experience spurred change in you?

WATT:  yes, the experience twelve years ago with that illness provided both the inspiration for my second opera and helped make me even more earnest to make as much work as I can with the time I’ve got left.  it was very profound feelings of mortality that shook me to my core. I was only fortytwo and still had so much more I wanted to do.  it was intense for me, big time.

JS:  I’ve come to realize from being sick that I’ve been terrified of pain all of my life and will go to great lengths to avoid it.  What do you think pain teaches us?

WATT:  I was born with bad knees and had much much pain there, surgeries in my twenties.  I think it even helped make me feel more paranoid, waiting for the next “incident” hell and shit like that.  pain can mold us into trippy shapes if we let it dominate us.  it is a tough struggle but seems like a part of the journey.   damn.   probably being born without pain is a challenge also, believe or not.   life is not easy but can be interesting if you put your heart into it.   the physical hells are struggles though, that’s for sure.

JS: We all have our own insecurities and fears.  I often am afraid of opening myself up to strangers in such a public way (as I’ve been doing on this website).  When you have pushed through your own fears in the past what have you found waiting for you on the other side?
WATT:  I got into music to be with my buddy d. boon and he definitely was not so fearful.  this helped me much and I borrowed from him on this, he inspired me to try and be brave but not conceited – he was like that: a very humble man who would try his hardest with expression.  I find when I push some fears away, there’s others waiting so the “fear problem” is never “solved” but rather constantly wrestled.  that’s a trip.

JS:  One of my favorite lyrics from your third opera “hyphenated-man” comes from the song  pinned-to-the-table-man.  “Loss and liberation, forever the connection, forever the question”.  There is so much in that one little sentence.  Can you expand upon the relationship between loss and liberation?  What is the connection and what is the question as you see it?

WATT:  I wrote that in saint petersburg (russia) way after all the other stuff.  in fact I recorded the spiel at my pedro pad when I got back cuz everything had done been done at tony maimone’s studio g in brooklyn already.  the problem was I was “ending” (I say that cuz in theory it’s supposed to be circular and unending) with the “man-shitting-man” part and I realized that folks might take that as the bottom line or some kind of summation/summary of the whole piece.  so what I did was the move the middle (hub) song to the end and instead of having one instrumental as originally planned, I wrote that spiel you refer to and put that part in the middle.  the spiel itself refers to middle years and the idea of reconciliation.  of course not everything can be reconciled and I had to acknowledge that w/a part like that “man-shitting-man” one but in other places, that can happen – even it can be very painful and be a tough lesson to learn.  man treating fellow man inhumanely can’t ever be reconciled in my thinking though, it is huge problem.

angels gate lightouse – April 22, 2008

 Mike Watt 

JS: I’ve really enjoyed your photography over the years.  Some of my favorites like the angels gate lighthouse pics can be found in your new book: mike watt  on and off bass (published by Three Rooms Press).   Have you found any intrinsic similarities between snapping pictures and making music?
WATT:  snapping pictures means trying to capture something you can’t really set up, the way I do it at the crack of dawn on the bicycle or in the kayak.  with composition, you’re more in charge of preparing the situation. there’s more chance involved I think with the pictures and more personal effort with the song stuff.  there are similarities with the idea of refining an expression in a way though, I agree with you there.

JS:  There are also excerpts from your tour diaries as well as some of your poetry in the book.  You have been exploring many different forms of art.  Is there a common thread or underlying drive that spurs you into these seemingly different artistic directions?
WATT:  laurie steelink at track 16 gallery picked the first thirtyfive shots, the three rooms people kat and peter picked the diary entries and the rest of the included images so I think in a way the book is a collaboration.  as for diary writing, I do that on tour to help keep focus and never reread them, so embarrassing to me! that’s the practical side to it.  I guess it is some sort of extension of some of the same stuff in the picture taking and bass plucking too.  I guess the common thread is fucking watt.

JS:  It sometimes appears that for many of us the act of “creating” is encoded into our DNA.  I don’t necessarily mean this in a religious way, but it just seems that we are wired to want to create.  Why do you think human beings find the act of creating, especially art, so important?
Watt:  john coltrane said something about musicians being after a truth and I’m thinking that could apply to the other arts as well.  it’s a search…

JS:  If your vast body of artistic work could only accomplish one thing, what would you want it to be?
Watt: to make folks feel safe to take risks with arts and expression in each of our journeys to find our inside voice and not just flop around in the very shallow pan of marsh, finding ourselves bound up in puppet strings.

~~~~~~~~~

Pic of Watt and me.  I’m over 400 pounds in this pic.  I never posted it before because I have always been ashamed at how out of whack I let my weight get around this time.  Now that I’ve lost some of this weight, it feels a little bit safer.

Mike’s book (it’s awesome, buy yourself a copy) can be purchased here: http://threeroomspress.com/

Mike’s music can be found at itunes, fine music purveyors everywhere and here at his new label: http://clenchedwrench.com/

Info on all things Mike can be found here: http://hootpage.com/

Watt’s podcast of interesting music and ideas here:  http://twfps.com/

(Thanks again Mike!)

Don’t Give Up!

This one is for the people who are struggling with their weight. For the people who feel broken. For those that have given up. For those that feel they are too far gone now to make a change.

Don’t give up!

I know where you are at. I was over 400 pounds at one point not so long ago. I thought it was too late for me. My friends and family had spoken with me about their concerns regarding my weight. I would “yes” them and then go binge for days. Their criticisms seemed to validate the feelings I already had about myself – that I was not good enough. That there was something wrong with me. I stopped going to most family gatherings. I further isolated myself. My shame grew exponentially.

I had tried to lose weight in the past and always failed. I always gained it all back plus some. I felt hopeless and sometimes worthless. My future looked so bleak to me.

I got to the point where my thought process was that I would die this way. It would be easier to just eat myself to death rather than lose this weight. Until I got very sick and dying became a real possibility. It’s funny how something like that will change a person. It was a blessing that came disguised as a trauma. (Doesn’t this happen frequently in life?).

Getting sick was the best thing that could have happened to me. It forced me to see what others had been trying to say to me. Of course I had known I was in very poor health but it was in getting sick that it really crystalized for me. I knew that I needed to make a change.

There is nothing special about me. My willpower is less than most people you know. I’ve failed constantly in the past. The only difference this time is that I’m willing to continue on for the long haul – one small step at a time. If it takes me 2 years or 5 to lose 200+ pounds, I’m going to do it.

I’m not telling you that you aren’t already perfect because you are. Zen Buddhist master, Thich Nhat Hanh said, “The wave does not need to die to become the water”. We are already what we seek to become. It is already inside us, we just need to find it, tap into it and bring it out.

Before losing 65 pounds, I was unable to wear a seatbelt in some cars, I could not sit in a booth when dining out, plastic lawn furniture was my nemesis, amusement park rides were often not possible, flying required seatbelt extenders.  Even just finding the energy to play with my kids or take a walk with them was so difficult.  Life was harder and I was missing out on some of the best parts of it.

So I’m not telling you there is anything wrong with you. I’m just trying to appeal to your desire to live the life you were born to live. The life you envisioned when you were younger. The life that your weight might currently prevent you from living. Inherit the life you were born to live!

How to start? Each race won starts with a single step. So take your first step now. I started by cutting out sugar. I failed initially. Even once in a blue moon I still fail but starting is the important part. Starting and picking yourself up when you fall are the most important things. As you have successes, cut out other unhealthy things while increasing exercise.

Don’t give up!

Aim for a pound. Just one pound. Show your body and your mind that you can do it. When you reach a pound go for 2,  then 5, then 10.   Mini goals are very important.  Sometime the only way a mountain can be climbed is to climb it one step at a time.

Don’t wait for your situation to become increasingly dire like I did. If you aren’t happy, make a small change today.  Begin to come up with a plan.

I’m an email or a message away if I can help in any way. If you need to talk and are willing to put forth some effort, I’m willing to spend the time.  I know you can do this, because I am doing it too.  Millions of us are.  Come join us.  Reclaim your life.

I wish you luck. But with some determination you won’t really need it. Don’t give up!

All the best,
Johnny
johnnysized@gmail.com

65 Pounds Down in Five Months!

And so begins week number 21 of my switch to a plant based diet and increased exercise regime. This week I lost an additional 4 pounds! That brings the total to 65+ pounds in just five months.

What a ride this has been so far. Emotionally its like a roller coaster. The plateaus are coming now about every 10 pounds or so and they can really be a bear at times. The last one played havoc with me for nearly three weeks. I have redoubled my efforts though and have seen a great deal of movement after cutting out wheat, stopping my late night snacking and steering away from my occasional cheat meals until I make my way under the 300 pound mark.

I’m finally getting to the point where I’m starting to feel comfortable in my own skin again. I’m not there yet but it is within reach. I can feel the physical and mental switch within the last week. I look back at when I topped 400 pounds and almost find it unfathomable. How the heck did I let things spin that far out of control? It wasn’t long ago yet in ways, it seems like a lifetime.

I continue to receive really nice words of encouragement from you and I am very thankful for that. Your words are inspiring and the information that you send is helpful. That some of you take the time to send me an email with your thoughts and reflections on what I have written means so much. Complete strangers, some from half way around the world reaching out with messages of hope. It helps to restore my faith in humanity and makes me feel like I’m doing something worthwhile here. Without you I am positive that this struggle would be exponentially more difficult if not abandoned alreeady.

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So this week, I’m enjoying my Vitamix juicer/blender. I’ve decided to eat RAW foods meals at least twice a day this week and the Vitamix has gotten me off to a good start. Tonight I’ll be making some soup. Last night I got a little creative and made a smoothie with broccoli rabe, apple and pineapple, garlic, bell pepper, jalapeño, scallion, tomato and cucumber. The pineapple was a last minute addition after tasting it and realizing it needed something else to lighten it up some. An interesting mix of flavors but it definitely worked.

This is a whole new world for me so if you have a Vitamix and/or enjoy juicing, post up some tips here or drop me a line at johnnysized@gmail.com.